240. Enough.

Four months ago I was blogging about being unmotivated, so it's no surprise that here we are, new year and all, and my scale has hit 240.

I can feel it in my body. Feel it in my thighs, my upper arms, my abs, my back fat. I can see it in my face. I long for the days of 220 when I loved how I felt, I slept better, I just felt happier.

It's completely obvious why this has happened... And it's nobody's fault but mine. I have let other things become a priority over my health.

There are days when I don't even eat a real true serving of fruit or vegetables. I can't really remember the last time I cooked dinner at home. Most of what's in my fridge is leftovers from somewhere we went out to eat for dinner... And I don't even want them.

Even my dog is gaining weight, lol.

Why am I waiting for "tomorrow"?

Clearly I'm capable of this. I've done it before. I know I can do it, but I always find some little excuse to rationalize myself out of it... Here are some great ones:

I'm tired.
What if I start running and my belly fat is too floppy?
What if I look stupid?
What if my shoes don't feel good?
I don't feel like taking the dog, but I feel guilty leaving him at home.
I'm not hydrated enough.
I need to shower, but I don't wanna shower before a run. That's dumb, I'll just have to shower again.
What if I do something and I hurt my back?
I need to check my email first.
What if I run and then I'm too tired to get my work done?
I can't get my gps watch to beep for my intervals. Is too frustrating.

I could go on, but I won't.

Once when I was reading "Runner's World" I saw an ad for the Disney Princess half marathon, and I was so excited I felt my eyes tear up a smidge... It would be so cool to feel all accomplished and empowered AND be with a bunch of cool chicks at Disney World! He'll, it's making me a little misty even now.

Maybe I need a goal.

The next Disney Princess Half Marathon is about a year from now.

This is attainable. I can do this. I deserve to be able to take time to myself 3-4 times a week to exercise, stretch my legs, and work toward something I want. I am strong, I am capable. I will allow myself to put health and fitness above work, and will become a runner again.

Even if my mother is sick, even if someone close to me passes away, even if work is difficult or frustrating, even if I want to keep sleeping, even if the dog is whiny and it's cold/hot/humid/windy... I can do this. The hour or two I will spend on my health each day is important and deserves priority.

I will not allow others to rationalize my skipping a workout. I will not be afraid to run in strange places, or even on vacation.

I will do this, I CAN DO THIS.

Please encourage me.